When I Become World Dictator

By Bruce Webber
Posted 2021-01-17 in humor

---

I believe it’s important to act decisively when I become world dictator, so I’ve begun writing my first proclamations. Here are several of them.

Names

Some people have names like Weaver or Butcher, yet they don’t do that work. These inconsistencies must end! These people will be required to perform that activity for 40 hours per year. So if someone’s name is Weaver, they must spend time weaving. They don’t have to be paid for this; it can be a hobby. (I am, after all, a reasonable man.)

Colorization of Films

Generally, black and white films shall not be colorized. I shall establish a committee to grant exceptions to this rule, but It’s a Wonderful Life shall never be colorized.

Fruitcake

The production, distribution, possession and consumption of fruitcake will be strictly prohibited. I expect a resistance movement will develop, opposing my rule, and fruitcake will become a symbol of that movement. I will make sure fruitcake is available on the black market so it can be eaten at resistance meetings.

Calendar

The 12-month calendar will be replaced with a 13-month calendar. Each month will have 28 days, comprised of four weeks of seven days. Each week will start on Monday. As a result, the 1st, 8th, 15th and 22nd day of every month will be a Monday. A similar pattern will apply to the other days of the week.

Thirteen months of 28 days totals 364 days. The remaining day will be New Year’s Day and not be part of any month. Leap year days will also not be part of a month. Variations of this calendar have been proposed before; see History of the 13-Month Calendar.